Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
