is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
