i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
