just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
