life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
