There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
