its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
