I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
