He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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