Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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