Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
