2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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