apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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