I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
