i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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