i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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