Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
