i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
