i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
