If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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