The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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