he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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