I cannot find my penis.
Welp...herpes.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
