just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
