exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
