yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
