I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
