He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
