I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
