I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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