Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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