I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
