I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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