He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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