Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
