I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
