Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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