just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your penis caused this!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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