The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
