if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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