Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
