It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
