Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
