I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
