She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
