Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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