I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
