Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
