He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Randomize
