I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
