babies were throwing up all over the place
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
