I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
